Why conscious leaders need to get over their own ego.

I’ve recently had a difficult experience with someone I was paying to do some work on my website.

I’ve invested £££ over the years in support to help me grow my business. I have grown to recognise the transformation that happens when you allocate resources (time, energy, attention and money) behind a particular intention (business and impact growth).

And the vast majority of these investments have been worth it. There are lots of brilliant professionals out there, helping other small businesses to thrive.

But this most recent experience was different. I won’t go into the details - because they’re irrelevant and would simply be an opportunity for me to rant - but what I found most challenging was the fragility of the person’s ego.

And a fragile ego is the death-knell of great leadership.

What exactly do I mean by ‘ego’? Well, our ego is the part of ourselves that holds a strong self-image, and is so scared of that self-image being shattered that it will do anything to protect it.

For example, my ego holds a self-image of someone who is independent and unconventional and frank. So, when someone (my husband) suggests that I’m being manipulative or underhand, I will strenuously deny it and stalk off, rather than get curious about what might really be happening.

The more fragile the ego, the harder it will work to protect its self-image. Someone who has a robust ego, or who has transcended their ego, isn’t scared of their self-image being shattered, and welcomes new opportunities to grow. It’s what I aspire to, every day…

And why is a fragile ego so incompatible with great leadership?

Because great leadership demands the ability to put our own self-image to one side, in service of what the customer / team / company / country needs.

So, here’s how you might recognise a fragile ego - in yourself AND in others:

• Defensiveness - we get defensive when someone says something that directly threatens the ego’s self-image.

• Refusal to accept responsibility; blaming mistakes on someone or something external.

• Inability to be curious about their role in things not going to plan.

• A sense of not really engaging; not fully being present in the conversation and needing things to stay on THEIR track.

If you recognise any of these traits in others; it may be a red flag. If you recognise any of these traits in yourself, ask yourself “what part of my self-image is being threatened by this situation? What else might be true about me?”

You need to do ‘ego release’ work gently.

But, if you want to be a great leader - in your family, in your team, in your company, in your own business - you DO need to do it.

If you are a female leader in the corporate world, and you are ready to champion conscious leadership in your organisation, get in touch and let’s chat. I'm launching a new group coaching experience later this Spring, that might be right up your street... :)